Just like a definition gives us the exact meaning of a word, a boundary gives an exact beginning and an end to whatever it is describing.

Personal boundaries can be physical—as in personal space or sexual boundaries—emotional, like a limit to how far you allow yourself to be pushed by others, or even spiritual—what you should and should not do to be right with God. Boundaries help define who you are and what you believe.

Therefore, if you don't set boundaries you do not know yourself. It also leaves you open as an easy target for others to take advantage of as well as makes you unaware when you're taking advantage of others. However, while it's important to figure out what is and is not you, it just as important to realize your boundaries are just that—yours.

I've heard personal boundaries described as being like a fence between two neighbour's yards. While it's appropriate to work together to maintain the fence, it is not appropriate for one neighbour to look over the fence and say, “Your grass looks horrible. You should cut it.” It is also not appropriate for one neighbour to say, “I don't like how you've done your yard. I'm going to come over and fix it up for you the way I think it should look.” This neighbour is only responsible for what is in his yard. That is his boundary and his responsibility, and even if his neighbour's yard does look awful, it is not his problem.

The Apostle Paul describes personal boundaries this way in Romans 14:1-4 (NLT):

Accept Christians who are weak in faith, and don't argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it is all right to eat anything. But another believer who has a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who think it is all right to eat anything must not look down on those who won't. And those who won't eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn God's servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord's power will help them do as they should.

Setting boundaries does not mean you're cutting people off. When you clearly define your boundaries you are simply taking responsibility for yourself, showing you have self-respect, and teaching others how to treat you. It is actually one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself as it sets the framework on which the rest of your life rests.

If you wonder what kind of boundaries you have, here is a list of healthy boundaries adapted from the Mississippi State University Health Services website:

• You can say no or yes and you are OK when others say no to you
• You respect yourself
• In relationships you share responsibility and power
• You know when a problem is yours and when it's not
• You share personal information gradually in a mutually trusting relationship
• You don't tolerate abuse
• You know your own wants, needs, and feelings and are able to communicate them to others
• You are responsible for your own happiness and fulfilment
• You value your opinions and feelings as much as others’
• You know your limits and allow others to define their own limits
• You are able to ask for help
• You don't compromise your values or integrity to avoid rejection

Creating healthy boundaries takes time, patience, and prayer. Sometimes we even need outside help to implement them, but they are worth it. We need people and we need relationships. If your boundaries aren't healthy, begin the healing process by letting God in. Ask Him what your limits should be and know He will let you know what is right and wrong, He will never leave you, or forsake you, He will be there for you in the ups and the downs, and He will always be on your side.