A few weeks ago I heard a story of a man who was walking down a sidewalk street when he happened upon a downtrodden man rifling through the contents of a dumpster. The man who was walking stopped and asked, “Can I help you?”

“No handouts!” The dumpster-digger responded without looking up. “I don't need any handouts.”

The paradox was not lost on me—reduced to searching for sustenance in other's garbage this man still was determined to make his own way through life. At this point of desperation it seems a bit ridiculous to imagine one can get ahead without help.

In Matthew 18:21-35 there's a story about a servant who owes a huge debt to the king and has it forgiven. The servant then turns around and demands repayment of a much less amount from a fellow servant. When he cannot repay the first servant throws the second (and his family) in jail. Once the king hears he sends the first servant to be tortured until his debt is repaid.

It never really made sense to me why the servant would turn around and demand money from another servant. Not when he had just been let off the hook for a ridiculous amount of money, which was apparently equivalent to 150,000 years wages (how do you rack up that sort of debt anyway?).

But this time through the passage my attention was drawn to verses 26-27. “The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged ‘Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt” (The Message).

Finally I could connect the paradox between the amount the servant owed the king with his determination to repay the amount on his own. It was an impossible quest and he desperately needed help. But even once his debt was erased, he went out to make good on what he owed. Why couldn't he just accept the handout?

Transferring the metaphor to our relationship with God…how much more similar are we to the dumpster diver or the unmerciful servant than we realize? We have been forgiven a great debt—one we can never repay—by Jesus' death and resurrection. It's the biggest handout ever—one we can never make good on, no matter how “good” we are. Shouldn't Christ's act of mercy prompt us to show the same mercy towards those who have incurred debts and need our forgiveness? Then why do we resist letting go of our hurts, avoid those we used to call friends, and insist on holding grudges?

In this context, all conflicts are petty.