One of the big lessons couples learn in pre-marital counselling is the importance of overlooking offences. As someone who can be quickly offended I’m here to tell you this is easier said than done.

I don’t want to drag my husband into it but when we’re disagreeing on a certain point or action it sure feels good to sit there and list all the creative and different ways he has offended me over the years. But does my digging up his mistakes help diffuse the situation? Of course not. It only causes hurt and fuels the disagreement.

And to add to my humiliation I might as well admit I fully realize 99 per cent of the time the perceived offences were unintentional, not malicious, and could have been taken a different way should I have chosen to see it.

Learning to overlook offences is not only good for relationships; it’s a biblical principle to live by. Proverbs 17:9, one of the better-known passages on this, says, “Disregarding another person’s faults preserves love; telling them about them separates close friends,” (NLT). This timeless proverb is a good reminder that covering offences is important in all relationships—and this “overlooking” is caused by love and fighting to see the best in people.

But sometimes the offence is actually a sin against you, and you can’t overlook it. Jesus, in Matthew 18:15-17, teaches Christians to privately point out offences to one another. Then, if there is no response, to take one or two others with you to try again. If this is still unsuccessful, then take it to a higher authority—the church. Something to keep in mind is this formula is not intended for people who are not believers, and only for sins committed against you…not just things you wish people would stop or start doing.

Unfortunately, there is no perfect way to overlook offences. Each time you find yourself put out or frustrated you must ask yourself, “Can I overlook this?” Most of the time you’ll find you can. And the earlier you can shake off an offence, the more joy you will find in your life.

Overlooking offences is simply willpower, something you give to God and ask for help overcoming. But the more you practice this principle, the more you’ll find you enjoy it. And the better your relationships will become.