There are a lot of analogies to describe a grudge and how difficult it is to shake one once you have it—for example quicksand, sludge, cocaine, a bog, and—one I've just learned—a fire in the heart.

It's this last one I'm most intrigued with. A fire in the heart. When you've been wronged and you're hurt it's like a fire has been ignited in your heart. Not the kind Ke$ha sings about, one of romantic passion burning in her heart, but one fuelled by anger and resentment. The kind of fire that can quickly rage out of control and take over your whole life.

I learned of this analogy in Max Lucado's book The Applause of Heaven. In his chapter about grudges, he says when we are angry; when the fire in our heart burns, we are faced with a choice to put out the fire of resentment or to fuel it (108). The grudge emerges when you refuse to let go of your hurt. Hurt turns into bitterness, which leads to hate. “Hatred is the rabid dog that turns on its owner. Revenge is the raging fire that consumes the arsonist. Bitterness is the trap that snares the hunter. And mercy is the choice that can set them all free,” (112).

To be free of a grudge is to experience forgiveness. This is the conclusion I came to when I was faced with a troublesome grudge. In my article Miss Petty and the Grudge I share my struggle to be free of my grudge and how I came to a place where I could forgive and let go.

Forgiveness is an act of will more than it is a warm-fuzzy feeling. And it's something we'll have to do over and over again in our lives if we want to live in a way that is pleasing to God and will bring us physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It's not easy to do, but you will never regret forgiving someone—especially once you realize how much you have already been forgiven (think of Luke 7:36-50 and Acts 7). Once our attitudes are in check and our eyes are focused on the Lord, forgiveness is the next step in ridding ourselves of destructive grudges.

“And ‘don't sin by letting anger control you.’ Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil…Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32)

Don't give the devil a foothold in your life. Put out the fire in your heart.

Lucado, Max. The Applause of Heaven. Dallas: Word, 1990